Seinfeld: A XXX ParodyFavorites [+]
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Some of the best recent porn parodies have come from New Sensations and this time they've spoofed one of the most popular sitcoms ever. "Seinfeld: A XXX Parody" boasts stars that deliver a punch line almost as well as a money shot. Industry favorite James Deen is Gerry, doing a stand-up bit as the movie begins with that familiar thudding bass line, sporting a Seinfeldian outfit and a very '90s semi-mullet. Much of the film's plot revolves around the Porn Nazi's (Evan Stone) shop, only don't call him that to his face or it's "No porn for you!"
Gerry takes Elaina (Kristina Rose) to the porn shop. He successfully procures some ass-to-mouth (in a video box that looks comically huge in the age of DVDs and VOD), but Elaina saunters up to the counter and insults the Porn Nazi with her attitude, thus becoming his nemesis. Back at Gerry's place, his tape soon gets them going. After he eats her out and quickly drives her close to the edge, she gets on her knees and succeeds in taking his big dick nearly balls-deep into her throat. As Gerry pounds Elaina in doggy and then sidesaddle, her constant chatter is one part dirty, one part desperate, like you might expect. Meanwhile, Gerry just wants to get off and he "yes dears" anything she says, but you get the feeling he'd like to have her try deep throating again to keep her quiet. James and Kristina are always a hot pairing to watch and the fact that they're playing iconic characters makes it even better.
Later, Crammer (Eric John) bursts into Gerry's apartment, dumps some videos on the floor, and announces to Gerry and Gorge (Steve Pomerants) that porn isn't working for him anymore. Something Gerry says inspires him to make his own porn and he storms back out. Gerry's telling Gorge about how tired he is of his girlfriend Regina (Ashlynn Brooke) being too orgasmic. Anything, including a new mahogany coffee table, will make her cum, as she demonstrates when she shows up to his apartment. Gorge discovers, to his dismay, that he has the unfortunate superpower of stopping her orgasm cold just by talking to her.
Meanwhile, Elaina is again thwarted in her attempt to buy from the Porn Nazi. "Video Girl" (London Keyes) beckons her into the back room. The Porn Nazi turned her down for a raise and she has vengeance on her mind. She offers Elaina the number to a private porn distributor in exchange for a little girl-on-girl action and it's hard to say no to this busty half-Asian babe. They get out some toys and it turns out Elaina likes it best in her asshole – who knew? Being with another woman brings out a side of her that you don't want to miss. Gone is the needy chatter, replaced with nothing but dirty talk. The fact that both girls are hot helps make this one of the best scenes.
It gets better, depending on your taste, when Crammer stumbles onto a porn set where Sasha Grey and Sadie West, as themselves, are filming. Crammer is enjoying the show when the cameraman says they're ready for him. He dumbly admits he's not the male talent, but the cameraman insists: "Get in there and hump something, for fuck's sake!" First Sadie sucks him and then Sasha joins her. Sasha mounts him with her perfect ass while Sadie jiggles the cock around in there like it's a dildo that happens to be attached to a man, not that Crammer minds. Then it's Sadie's turn to get fucked and she makes sure Sasha isn't neglected in the interim. Soon the girls start to focus on each other. At times they remember Crammer is there, but this is mostly the Sadie 'n' Sasha Show, and there's not a thing wrong with that.
Inspired by his spontaneous porn experience, Crammer sets up a "boudoir" in Gerry's living room using props that he got from the porn shoot. Gorge thinks he's filming with his fiancée Suzanne (Natalie Norton), but Crammer has hired Buck (Tony Disergio) to be the male talent. Suzanne and Crammer insist this will spice up the couple's sex life, so Gorge unhappily leaves them to it. Afterward, Crammer asks Noman (J. Walker) to deliver the video to Gorge, but he gets sidetracked when he sees Regina in the stairwell after Gerry dumped her (turns out constant public orgasms are a turn-off). Noman takes her to the porn shop. When the Porn Nazi sees him carrying Crammer's video, Noman drops it and flees, leaving Regina to put the moves on the Porn Nazi. In the back room where his clerk seduced Elaina, the Porn Nazi is Regina's rebound fuck. Ashlynn and particularly Evan stay in character well, and seeing these industry greats together is one of the highlights of the movie. Later, hilarity ensues when the whole gang shows up to buy some porn and discovers Crammer's porno playing on the TV in the shop.
The film ends with Gerry's ex-girlfriend Teri (Cassandra Calogera) interrupting his monologue about how unnecessary fake boobs are from a male perspective. "Oh, these are real and they are spectacular," she says as she takes the stage. Teri and Gerry have some reunion sex that sends those indeed real and spectacular tits bouncing every which way. They're all sweaty under the hot stage lights and it gives those boobs a certain glow that highlights their natural beauty. Gerry gets a little rough toward the end, choking her slightly, but she loves it. The scene ends with a cumshot all over that pretty rack. We never see the audience, but rest assured they get way more than a stand-up act.